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Dealing with chronic illness the past 5 years I have gotten used to disappointment. Making plans and having to cancel at the last minute. I hate being that unreliable friend and worrying that people think I am just making excuses. But that's just my life.

To be perfectly honest, there have been times when I get sick and I honestly don't care. If things at school are more blah than usual or there are family events I'd rather not be at anyway getting sick doesn't crush me in the same way.

Yesterday I had the worst depression inducing illness ever. For the first time in longer than I can remember I had fun (and adorable) activities  planned for my class, parent volunteers lined up, Hanukkah party planned and completely prepped, and not to mention it was Friday. I was actually excited to go to school which is so not me.

I woke up with crazy vertigo so I had to get my sister to drive me to school. By 10am I was done and just had to go home. Hanukkah party canceled. Principal's opinion of me as a giant flake confirmed. I hate it!

I spent the rest of yesterday with the world spinning or asleep only to wake up today feeling only a teensy bit better. So I'm in bed while my family heads into San Francisco to go to my favorite kick off Christmas activity of the year- the Swedish Christmas Fair to be followed by Christmas shopping and bakery visiting.....

And me. I'm in my pj's in bed actually wanting to eat something for once with no veggie appropriate food in the house and my depressed mood firmly in place. I just keep wondering when (if ever) this part of my life will be over. I would like to be healthy and actually participate in my life on a regular basis.

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July 2012
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