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Handicapable


So the real life version of vertigo is not so glamorous as Miss Kim Novack . In fact it sucks. I tried to go back to work today and it was an epic failure. Now I am facing the following:

*learning to get around with a cane (a cane! seriously!)*

I am 28 years old and I need a cane. I'm trying to let that sink in a bit for me but it doesn't seem real. The home healthcare people are coming over tomorrow to get me all set up. So I don't have any more falls. You know, like your grandma. Except somehow more pathetic.

I am determined to not let this usher in a new wave of depression or let all my issues with food overwhelm me again. I want this to inspire me to further health,  not further damage. I know that I can't know exactly which (if any) of my many bad behaviors brought me to this point but I wish I could give a psa to all the 15 year e.d. worshipping girls & boys out there. So here goes:

In 10 years you will be me- your teeth won't stay where they belong and your bones will weaken and pretty soon you won't be able to walk steadily which leads to not driving which leads to losing even more control over your life which leads to my life at the moment.

I don't even know what else to write. I am  just full of regret and disappointment in myself because I know that I knew better. In fact, I still know better.

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