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I can't help but admit to being totally bummed over this whole thing in the past week. Which probably qualifies me as a total weirdo but I'm pretty sure I already qualified for that title before all this anyway.

It's all bringing me back to Bridget Jones and her infinite wisdom:

"Just nipped out for fags prior to getting changed ready for BBC Pride & Prejudice. Hard to believe there are so many cars out on the roads. Shouldn't they be at home getting ready? Love the nation being so addicted. The basis of my own addiction, I know, is my simple human need for Darcy to get off with Elizabeth. Tom says football guru Nick Hornby says in his book that men's obsession with football is not vicarious. The testosterone crazed fans do not wish themselves on the pitch, claims, Hornby, instead seeing their team as their chosen representatives, rather like parliament. That is precisely my feeling about Darcy and Elizabeth. They are my chosen representatives in the field of shagging, or, rather courtship. I do not, however, wish to see any actual goals. I would hate to see Darcy and Elizabeth in bed, smoking a cigarette afterwards. That would be unnatural and wrong and I would quickly lose interest."

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The level of bummer I am feeling is actually surprising me a little. I knew I cared but I guess I didn't realize how much. Maybe the problem is that this all ended with such a shock rather than the two of them growing older, growing apart, staying friends, etc. That would be a bummer but it wouldn't be so hard to process.
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Its the whole cheating thing that is so shocking to me. I feel so sad for Rob and I totally believe all of the stories out there of him being completely blindsided & planning to propose in the future. It is gutting how happy he had been looking recently and it is so easy to think that his happiness was coming from their relationship and in part how open Kristen was starting to be about it. Cause its obvious that Rob would have shouted his love from the rooftops back in 2008.
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And that brings me to more sad nostalgia. 2008 is the epic rpf by lindseyrkpf that was my introduction to the world of fanfiction. I was so excited for each update & for the cute happiness inducing squee that would get from reading. And don't even get me started on ateenagedreams's The Lovers and kate_stew's 15 Minutes! Maybe that is part of my problem. I blurred the line between the adorable fics I was reading and what was happening in real life unknown and behind the scenes.
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I'm also totally sad that my favorite livejournal community seems to be over at this point. I was never one of the amazing & creative writers and graphic artists who shared their talents there but I love, love, loved the community discussions. It was the only place online where I felt like there were other people who understood how I felt about R/K. In the past week I keep ending up reading in forums or tumblrs that I just don't click with. I miss withoutdrowning!
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I miss R/K or at least what they represented to me. As much as I feel bad for Rob in some ways I feel even worse for Kristen. There has always been such a vile group of people who hate her for no reason and they have gotten even nastier after all this. Her statement, the "I love him, I love him" in particular, just broke my heart for her. And then seeing moving truck photos today. It's all adding up to me feeling sad and then feeling lame for feeling so sad about people I don't know.

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